My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I AM VODKA MAN
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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