Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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