Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
