before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
