adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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