Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
