Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
