dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
