i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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