why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
