remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
