so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
