thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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