my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
