you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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