he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize