That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
