she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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