My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
