well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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