Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
