I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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