# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize