and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
