I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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