# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
