in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
