Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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