he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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