I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
