No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
