Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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