Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
