Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize