were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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