can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
