Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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