break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
