There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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