just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
