Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
