That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
