apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
