So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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