Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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