Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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