Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize