I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
