hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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