Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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