dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
