My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
