At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She's the barista slut.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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