I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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