it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
