dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my being single is dangerous.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
