in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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