Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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