i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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