He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
