I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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