You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
