there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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