How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
