I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
