I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
