My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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