I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
