Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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