If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
