why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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