dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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