You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
