Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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